ADHD……..I guess I write about what I thought when I read William’s post…..

I will have to agree with William. I love my parents, and how strong they were dealing with me as a child with ADHD and not knowing about it till years later. I was a terror child the only thing missing were the clove goat legs and horns. I made a mess of things, and thinking back I always end up breaking down emotionally and hating myself for things I did when I was younger.

My mother and father had to deal with me not so much with my brother as he was well considered the normal one out of the pair us with a five year span that separated us. I was supposed to be the role model and I ended up being a failure at that as well. I look back and I realize, yes I’m lucky in the aspect that I did end up getting married to someone who loves me regardless of my faults and the broken pieces of myself that came with me. Someone who bore not just one bundle of happiness into our lives, but 3 (The twins) and that helped me get my head out of my rectal cavity and face reality to try to really come to grips with my monster ADHD and try to cope and collar the beast, stay with a stable job, keep a house over our heads, try to improve myself and become a better person in my family’s eyes.

Yet, there will always be arguments that will just plow through the walls I’ve built over the years, the good kind, confidence, self-value-esteem-worth, all shot to hell because of something I did or didn’t do and correct or didn’t do at all or completely screwed it up beyond saving and being told “hate you!” or something else similar and all I can do it just take it rather than argue because it will do is cause more chaos. So I just mentally crawl into a small ball and let the blows mentally thrash against the chinked and scorched armor I try to keep together with duct tape and chicken wire and refrain from lashing back out.

I want to be a better person, I want to further myself along the road of achievement, but as it stands and it has almost always been I travel down the road and end up hitting a landmine or grenade down my career road and I end up on a curbside or worse a ditch and I struggle to get back up after repairing what I can. But how far does that take me? At the moment I’m not even sure where I am at on the road as it currently.

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