It’s Tuesday, I had my follow up appointment with the Doctor. I’m now officially a type II Diabetic and will be taking Metformin and another Med to take as well as a Meter to check my A1C and Glucose levels as well. I refuse to give in and I will beat this back to normal mark my words. I have started to ween myself off Mt. Dew for good, I have started off just with lemon infused water and have started to watch what I eat more and less food more tiny meals.
But I still feel depressed about this, doesn’t matter how much people say you’ll be better because of this, or good for you, because till I get this beat I am still 4x more prone to a heart attack or stroke now and that scares me to death. My dad has had a few of them already and had some severe blockage to the point that he can’t do any colonoscopies for fear he will bleed out with the meds they have him on.
My Wife’s been Diabetic for 14 yrs. 4 yrs. after the twins were born and sure with the food change the Doctor she had at the time had her on a strict regime and such and she lost weight with it but she as at the same sad, angry, just not her happy self and it wasn’t till she was able to find her happy place that she could be who she was and have the middle space and watch how she eats and what she drinks (Which can sometimes just ruin her.) Thing is I can’t see past myself right now, all I can think about is “am I ok? Am I going to be all right?” and all I can say to myself is I don’t know anymore. So even though I am setting these small goals I still feel helpless.
And I fear that if my mother in law finds out? Oh the shit will hit the fan and I don’t what I will do because the one I do not want is her getting involved in this at all or at any level. Because she goes on the tracks or diet plans and such and then attempts to get everyone else she knows that’s diabetic to join on in and well guess what? I just don’t want to deal with it, I have seen how she treats her own daughter and all I want to do is tell her to lay off and let everyone live the way they want and eat the way they want and let them make their own choices in life.
My colonoscopy is set for the 19th, 1st one ever. I’m scared of what they will find there as well, it would be just my luck to find out I have colon cancer, as things are the way there are right now. I’ve even thought it might be a blessing if I did have something that would just kill me right away of natural causes so my wife and the girls would have the money to pay off the house and I could just be cremated and flushed the kids would have the money to go to college get the schooling they deserve, and be able to take care of their mother after I’m gone.
I know I know, I’m not going to “kill” myself or anything like that, but sometimes I do wonder what life here would be after all was said and done. I know I have hurt people out there I never even met in real life and have wanted to and apologize for lashing out or just being and out right dick from time to time. I make no excuses for how I treated people, I was in dark places a number of times where I did want to just “go away” or “Vanish” or when at places I had been a part of where one or two people had said “Why are you even here? No one likes you, you’re annoying, you’d be better off if you’d just die and be done with it” and they got away with saying that type of tripe and the worse part was I started to believe them and I had to just leave those places behind me.
Only recently have I made contact with some of the people I used to hang around with online and after almost 8 yrs. of being away and slowly making my way into what I think could be being friends I’m told I have these health issues and if I don’t take care of them properly I might see a chance to see or have grandkids. Right now I feel I am in a dark space and no one really out there feels what I am feeling at the moment.
OK, Here’s the deal Trump might not be as bad as president. If you sit down and read his plans and not just the audios, they are not the worse thing that could be done at this point, the damage is already done. He may be impeached within 3yrs and that would leaves us with Michael Pence. If you are gay, a woman, or something other than a Christians, a young minority or anyway not a white upper class male? You are maybe truly screwed and for that I am truly sorry.
Here is the thing that has me really saying fuck the world. Everyone bitching about all the protesters rioting. Making stupid comments about “you didn’t see Republicans destroying public and private property when “Obama won” oh yes we did, The Republican party said they would obstruct the government at every chance they could to insure Obama and the Democratic party couldn’t move forward. The few things that did get pushed through were done because Obama tried to let them still make changes to everything he attempted to do, that’s because that is how democracy works! The Republicans have inadvertently slowed the recovery of this nation after Bush not Obama.
They destroyed the possibility for a better life in protest. Lets not go into the rise in hate crimes department due to Trump winning. Now if you are disgusted with all these protesters because they are throwing a fit because they didn’t get their way, no they are protesting because twice the past decade and a half their vote had been ignored. 200,000 plus votes thrown out in order for them to lose, this has happened 3x before the end of the last century.
It happened twice just this election, if you voted just for the Democratic candidates. Remember the last time a bunch of people on this continent didn’t have their voice heard in the ruling government? That was called what was of yea The Boston Tea party. This however has nothing to do with Trump or the Republicans or any of that.
It has to do with basic human rights. If you think your daughter has the right not to be raped or be groped by any stranger who fills like it. If someone had threatened to tear your family, your friends apart, invalidate your family altogether in the eyes of the country’s law. Take your parents away, deport you or exile you to a country you’ve never been to, or your sons and daughters fear for their life if they had to walk the streets. Your daughters could be harassed, your sons beaten and killed because of their religion or god knows their sexual preferences. A police state that is above the law, they are supposed to protect and serve. That was lost because you voted to condone these possible actions. Not because Trump is president, let’s be clear on that.
Hello to those that follow this WP blog. It’s been pretty much a shitty moment it time recently. I had to finally pay that 175.00 of 210.00 for the accident I was involved in back in Feb. We purchased our tickets for Anime Banzai for October, even though money is/was tight, it is one the few times in the year we get to de-stress and get away from the everyday grind and routine.
My wife’s niece April passed away at age 22, no one should ever have to go through outliving their child(ren). Her mother is heartbroken as it is after losing her mother last year around this exact time as well. The service was nice, the funeral was as expected, and we did get to see relatives we had not seen in just under a year. This brings a lot in perspective as you get older.
A Buddy & Co-worker brought back the pc tower I lent him for 3d Printing options. It didn’t work well for him in Vista 64 Bit. I am really considering transferring my HDD with windows 10 on it and throwing my 2 gig PCIE Video card and work from that PC and then retire the old family dell and put my old tower in its place.
I got a raise at work as well, felt pretty cool about that. Hopefully I will get back to working weekdays instead of through the weekend. People are cheering that trump is leading in the presidential race and that it will be between Clinton and Sanders on who will be his arch-nemesis during the elections. I’m sorry I want neither Clinton nor trump in office. I do not think they are good for America. Anyways, that’s what’s going on at this point and time.
It’s me again, been busy working Overtime and more Overtime. We finally got around to replacing one the doors on the house which was indeed need of replacing not repairing “replacing”. Sunday was a fine example of frustration, I am doing the dishes and the water just stops yet you can still hear it, I look under the sink and that $!#(%^@ Sprayer hose has popped off the faucet and I end up with a 20 minute clean up session under the sink in the kitchen. I did call the faucet company and told them that the faucet (in my opinion) has a defect since it is the 2 time replacing the sprayer attachment for this sink.
On top of that, I have been working from 4/4/16 to current and I will not be off till Thursday and that means I am working Saturday so that also means I have to move the cosplay meeting down to later in the day or on a week that I actually CAN A FREAKING WEEKEND OFF AGAIN ! (Huffing angrily ) but I get we need coverage, I just wished that some of the people we hired weren’t fucking crazy or bails because oh gee the job I wanted and paid more came through. I just want my weekends back that’s all, is that so much to ask for? I guess so, for now this is me and this me disgruntled.
Hey what’s up peeps?
It’s just me again posting up some of the generals of whats been going on here. Been lamenting about not being able to get Fallout 4, and feeling envy and anger because of it. I gave a quad-core to a fellow coworker and friend for his 3D printer and for my contribution I will be getting a pipboy3k and either Glados in the form of a Lamp project or a AER9 Laser Rifle I think the rifle may be the better way to go since the Glados prop is like 2,5 Kg of filament.
It came to my attention here on Friday Nov. 13th that a friend of mine is being lambasted for his beliefs and sharing them for discussion. This also brought up thread on Buddhism where there were some light flaming/trolling but also serious replies adding to the discussion and then the site admin closes and locks it saying things such as “I didn’t do anything about the rampant garbage posts that eventually lead to everyone leaving.” Well had you been doing your Duty as Site Admin and Moderator and had your team doing their share “MAYBE” and I use that term loosely , that your site/community based from a “webcomic” that died over like roughly 12/14 years ago wouldn’t be so full of shit and sadness.
Sometimes you just have to let something pass and die and bury it with dignity instead of dragging out over a period of years in hopes that the creator of said “webcomic” decides to create a new one and re-register the originating website domain, which pretty much not going to happen from what I’ve seen and heard over the years. Clanbob has become a site occupied mostly by bullies and should just disappear, I won’t say they are on par with GamersGate because that would give them too much credit. This site has gone through I think 5 incarnations and each one has died mostly a sad death each one sadder as it goes along. I will leave this with “DIE CLANBOB DIE” ! 😀
Other than that, I am also updating my Genshiken Nidiame Manga library, and awaiting the premier of Accel World Infinity Burst for the next Quarter on the Anime Season. I’m also researching on how to repair this R2 unit I bought last year online, it’s got to be something simple. I’m learning how to manipulate Rainmeter skins to how I’d like the computer to react, and also back to teaching the voice command software to learn and detect my voice and obey the commands I give it. A Steam Friend and Co-Worker got me Portal 2 for my account the other day! Yay me and thanks to my friend for getting that, it was very cool of him, now I just have to start some coop fun with it. Also started a few weapon prop projects with a few fellow cosplay buds as well, but they’ve been in it longer than I have and they’re slightly younger as well save for one to three of us. The makeshift paint booth is still up and sturdy and hasn’t had to be replaced yet as well which is good.
Work is fine, it’s paying bills and medical expenses. I wished I was working 8 to 5 or 9 to 6 with Saturday and Sunday off like I was supposed to, but I have to take what I can for my family. Hopefully things will fall back into line and I will be able to get the 8 to 5 shift with Saturday and Sunday off and be able to be around my family more again. For now I’m done and back to work for me. Be well readers and my fellow WP bloggers. Next entry will be just after Thanksgiving I think.
Hello, looks like I have a new position at a call center closer to my house, easier on brain and less stress in my life. I had a really good day today, I feel like I can sleep and not worry about am I going to pass their test, am I going to get terminated for not passing, am I going to have a stroke before I am Fifty?
I took notes, I am studying the material I have been given I am also sitting next to techs/agents that have been there for a bit and are also going to be on the same project I will be on coming August 3rd. I also will be putting my time off request for the two family outings we have around this time of the year as well, since its 2 weeks off. I will also been getting paid for 2 weeks and 4 days so of the pay I would have during unemployment I think will have caught up a little bit better than I thought.
I am still squirrelling away cash however for the events so we will have at least some spending money. I am selling off what I can so I can have my wife get what she wants for a change as well too. I need a checkup I think, I’m getting small aches and pains here and there plus some numbness in my left foot as well and that has me concerned a bit. As soon as I can afford it I’ll schedule a appointment for a full work up on blood and such just to see where I am at health wise. I am 203 lbs and 48 currently but then again I could be skinny fat as they say. But from 260 to 203 in a span of 4 years isn’t a bad weight loss I think, I’ve been walking and making sure I get some exercise. I will have to wait to see what the results will be.
Ok, so what has been going on since June? I was laid off on June 5th and applied for unemployment and was denied not because I was laid off on the contrary. I was denied because someone said I had applied for a posting they placed up on craigslist and then refused the offered. I placed in a dispute on and still no word back on it. Meh, I got a job with teleperformance that started on the 6th of July worked it till Friday and placed in my notice. Why? Because of the stress I was under I was falling asleep like 10 pm (But in bed by 9 usually) and waking up at 3:00 / 3:30 am and then just lying there awake till 5 so I put my clothes on and left the house to be there at 6 am till 2:30 pm for 12.00 a hour.
Reason I mainly left was also an offer from a Tech Support Center near my house and one of my old jobs. Starting is 14.00 an hour with a 500.00 sign on bonus 250.00 1st paycheck then the other on the 2nd paycheck, and I get PTO starting day one and benefits after 60 days. Better pay better opportunity better chance for advancement and it is dealing with business VOIP, which is what I dealt with to a good degree when I was working with Comcast. I start Thursday for 2 weeks of training and then to production! I feel good about this, and being back in tech support, plus this company has a number of internal employment positions I want to try for and move up by the end of the year. Anyways, that’s what’s been going on for the past 2 months.
Our 21st Wedding anniversary is coming up and I am not sure what to do! I don’t want to do just a movie and dinner…… I’d like to take her out to Park City have a nice stroll maybe go to the top of the mountain and look over the whole of the Salt lake Valley Floor. I know what I do want to do, I want to be able to let her have the photo op and autograph of her choice during #SaltLakeComicon aka #SLCC15, we’re to have #ChrisEvans, #AlexKingston, #JohnBarrowman (Again and we love him for it.) there are whispers that #DavidTenant might show up as well! That would be most excellent indeed that we could add him to our #DoctorWho Photo Group collection. Then in October there will be #AnimeBanzai not sure on the guest listing as of yet as it seems they have last year’s guest still listed, but I am betting there will be some changes here in the next month or so. Well I got some work to do around the house and it won’t clean itself so I will leave it at that for now and hope some of you leave a comment or two on what you’ve been up to lately.