Stardate 95033.02

It’s Tuesday, I had my follow up appointment with the Doctor. I’m now officially a type II Diabetic and will be taking Metformin and another Med to take as well as a Meter to check my A1C and Glucose levels as well. I refuse to give in and I will beat this back to normal mark my words. I have started to ween myself off Mt. Dew for good, I have started off just with lemon infused water and have started to watch what I eat more and less food more tiny meals.

But I still feel depressed about this, doesn’t matter how much people say you’ll be better because of this, or good for you, because till I get this beat I am still 4x more prone to a heart attack or stroke now and that scares me to death. My dad has had a few of them already and had some severe blockage to the point that he can’t do any colonoscopies for fear he will bleed out with the meds they have him on.

My Wife’s been Diabetic for 14 yrs. 4 yrs. after the twins were born and sure with the food change the Doctor she had at the time had her on a strict regime and such and she lost weight with it but she as at the same sad, angry, just not her happy self and it wasn’t till she was able to find her happy place that she could be who she was and have the middle space and watch how she eats and what she drinks (Which can sometimes just ruin her.) Thing is I can’t see past myself right now, all I can think about is “am I ok? Am I going to be all right?” and all I can say to myself is I don’t know anymore. So even though I am setting these small goals I still feel helpless.

And I fear that if my mother in law finds out? Oh the shit will hit the fan and I don’t what I will do because the one I do not want is her getting involved in this at all or at any level. Because she goes on the tracks or diet plans and such and then attempts to get everyone else she knows that’s diabetic to join on in and well guess what? I just don’t want to deal with it, I have seen how she treats her own daughter and all I want to do is tell her to lay off and let everyone live the way they want and eat the way they want and let them make their own choices in life.
My colonoscopy is set for the 19th, 1st one ever. I’m scared of what they will find there as well, it would be just my luck to find out I have colon cancer, as things are the way there are right now. I’ve even thought it might be a blessing if I did have something that would just kill me right away of natural causes so my wife and the girls would have the money to pay off the house and I could just be cremated and flushed the kids would have the money to go to college get the schooling they deserve, and be able to take care of their mother after I’m gone.

I know I know, I’m not going to “kill” myself or anything like that, but sometimes I do wonder what life here would be after all was said and done. I know I have hurt people out there I never even met in real life and have wanted to and apologize for lashing out or just being and out right dick from time to time. I make no excuses for how I treated people, I was in dark places a number of times where I did want to just “go away” or “Vanish” or when at places I had been a part of where one or two people had said “Why are you even here? No one likes you, you’re annoying, you’d be better off if you’d just die and be done with it” and they got away with saying that type of tripe and the worse part was I started to believe them and I had to just leave those places behind me.

Only recently have I made contact with some of the people I used to hang around with online and after almost 8 yrs. of being away and slowly making my way into what I think could be being friends I’m told I have these health issues and if I don’t take care of them properly I might see a chance to see or have grandkids. Right now I feel I am in a dark space and no one really out there feels what I am feeling at the moment.

A Moment of Truth from the past.

OK, ignore that #CharlieChaplin  who seems to be portraying Adolf Hitler,  but is rather playing a jewish barber. Please #Listen to what is being saying #Politically . I for one have now at this point and time understand more to what he is saying, and I can say that I am taken back because what he is saying and I can see how the world is currently. It invokes a depression in one when thinking upon the truth of what is being said in the video and realizing just what is going on currently in world affairs today.

In my opinion 35 years ago the country and the world was a better place to live in. Now we just have puppets in office doing what the corporations want rather that what is good for the country and global good, leading the global lemmings in their dream like states buying engaging and consuming, rinse lather repeat, not actually seeing the corruption that is happening out there.

 

The deals being made behind closed doors, the terrorists, the destruction, the greed that has corrupted the hearts and souls of today’s society singular not plural because at one point we were “one” society working to benefit humankind not tear it down, not ruin that which was given to us to make choices towards a better future.

 

All I have seen over the past decades is a world that has going to hell in a hand basket and feel like there is not much I can do about it, but if this  helps open up the eyes of  few, wake them up to ways or paths on how to correct the path we are going down then in some small way I feel like I have helped push ourselves from the bring of self extinction.

 

Because realistically the human race not just countries, the planet as a whole is on a road to extinction. Take it leave it, I am posting it up because this is something I’ve known for a bit but finally decided to share my opinion on it. #GlobalWakeUp   #BecomeAStrongerPlanet I doubt many will understand nor even share or reply to this, but one can hope that the population sees this as one truth to current state of the world as it is now.

Got Burned on Listia. BUYERS BEWARE THIS TWATWAFFLE

https://twitter.com/leo4win

http://pokemonshowdown.com/users/leo4win

https://plus.google.com/117717345385595926559/posts

https://www.listia.com/auction/26503283-antec-nine-hundred-black-steel-atx-mid

https://www.listia.com/auction/26754915-luminescent-mouse-gaming-mouse-optical

The guy above deserves more than some public shameing spread the word on this please share with your buddies. Dude went to listia, posted up several numbers of PC Items like a Number Sharkk Gaming Mice, 3 Antec PC Cases and NXT Cases I won 1 Antec Case and a Sharkk Gaming mouse the shipping said 5.00 for the mouse and 5.99 for the Antec Case which I paid thru paypal. Yea, I thought it cold be sketchy but I’ll take a small chance that this person was a honest individual, boy what a fucking joke that was on me. But I curse this kid gets cock rot before he hits his 21st birthday.

Busted

Two weeks later nothing nadda a empty mail box. So when I decided to attempt to contact this “Wally” person seems I had been blocked from his page said it didn’t exist or some such but since I had a older account I decided to play detective and logged in with my older listia account and yup that fucking little twatwaffle blocked me and took the money and ran without any a word.

So I got my points back after demanding a refund and I have already escalated my case with Paypal and they are investigating it to get my money back from this little shit but BUYER BEWARE @LEO4WIN is NOT to be trusted.  Listia.com is a great place, but there are assholes there as well that think it’s funny to scam people to hold their credits in escrow and not do anything about  it.

My 1st Day at the new place……

Hello, looks like I have a new position at a call center closer to my house, easier on brain and less stress in my life. I had a really good day today, I feel like I can sleep and not worry about am I going to pass their test, am I going to get terminated for not passing, am I going to have a stroke before I am Fifty?

I took notes, I am studying the material I have been given I am also sitting next to techs/agents that have been there for a bit and are also going to be on the same project I will be on coming August 3rd. I also will be putting my time off request for the two family outings we have around this time of the year as well, since its 2 weeks off. I will also been getting paid for 2 weeks and 4 days so of the pay I would have during unemployment I think will have caught up a little bit better than I thought.

I am still squirrelling away cash however for the events so we will have at least some spending money. I am selling off what I can so I can have my wife get what she wants for a change as well too. I need a checkup I think, I’m getting small aches and pains here and there plus some numbness in my left foot as well and that has me concerned a bit. As soon as I can afford it I’ll schedule a appointment for a full work up on blood and such just to see where I am at health wise. I am 203 lbs and 48 currently but then again I could be skinny fat as they say. But from 260 to 203 in a span of 4 years isn’t a bad weight loss I think, I’ve been walking and making sure I get some exercise. I will have to wait to see what the results will be.

Today as I see it from a personal view point

Being a leader is mostly about making the hard decisions. At times there are choices that are just not acceptable but yet you have to make them, they will more or less not be the ones that everyone wants but needs, there will be those that should have been right but ended up wrong.
You can’t dwell on the decisions you have already made, you need to quell the second guessing of your past decisions and move forward and strive to do that which is right and just for those that look to you to lead them and to keep them safe.

That’s what people want in a leader, someone who will struggle with the hard choices and decisions so you don’t have to. That weight is one that will be heavy to carry on their shoulders, but that’s what a leader does.

I was told today that this was Cliché and rather an unbelievable expectation of someone in a leadership role. Which is rather sad but I can see the reasoning behind with the way things are currently governmental wise. The world is in a rather shit pile mess, we have Japan dealing with their energy policies, we have us with the whole Ebola and other several different issues the length of the globe 10x fold, the ISIS fiasco the list goes on.

All I can say is we have only ourselves to blame on it, and not making sure that our “world” leaders follow through on the campaign promises they made during their run for office. Had we had that ability? There would be a nice shiny global mirror in the Middle Eastern desert, Japan and the US and Russia would be working as a team technology wise to bring the world to a better place. But these are just my personal dreams of grandeur it will never happen. Why? Because humanity is dumb and we will eventually kill ourselves off soon as some point. Because those that could be great leaders do not give the 110% they should. That’s the way I see it.

update

Hello again readers, and to myself as well. It’s Aug 12th and just past 20 years of happiness with my beloved. Twenty years? Wow that just bellows your mind when you think about that. The events you’ve shared there turmoil and joys and with kids as well. The braces, the emotional rollercoaster fits in some cases and the moments where they need you to just hold them and let them know it’s ok or it will hurt less as time passes and they grow. Well me and the Mrs. went to Las Vegas spent our 20th anniversary at The Hilton Grand (Marketing Compound) Hotel and had a great time exploring the Strip/Casino areas.

We checked out the hourly fountain shows in front of the Bellagio and The Mirage which at night are absolutely wonderous with the colored lights and the musical sequence. We also took in The Blue Man Group Show at the Monte Carlo as well as a DVD set and audio CD of the show which was also great, save for some small back pains which seems to have traveled back with us and has decidedly hung around with me for the past 4 days since our return. I finally got one of those “Keep Calm” shirts, although it says “And get Drunk” I still like it, it’s not torchwood or reminds us of the tardis, it is still a “Keep Calm” shirt. Took some photos from the trip

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Meanwhile after the return home.

PC had an issue where the o/s would freeze and lock up and out forcing the system to be softbooted. Well there is a shop that I took it to have the issue confred that it was CPU causing the issue. I got it back with the owner saying it was infected with several viruses and malware and that my thermal paste had been dried up for sometime (Which that I could see maybe happening) funny thing is AVG and Mcfee scanned the system and found nothing save for some info tracking cookies. Malware bytes didn’t detect anything either, so I’m a little hesittant to believe my freezing and lockup of the O/S was due to undetected viruses and/or malware. I can see maybe a CPU overheat whch they said they did apply some gold thermal paste at no charge. next step, I will then hook it up and fire up #Titanfall and see how it stands up now and whether or not I freeze up again.

Soon, I’ll be 47 and I’m still nowhere close to where I’d like the game project to be. so many setbacks still much to do and its mostly programming I think at this point. Still have a unfinished map, got a decent and talented yet untapped artistic resource, just waiting to see what she has in store for us. Bruce is doing well but super busy on his side of the west coast BUT! he will be coming to #SaltlakeComicon and this will be a 1st time meeting 3 of the Team Jade Phoenix will be at one place at the same time!

And we’ll be doing this the entire time! PARTAAAAAAY!

Salt Lake City #FanX!

Hello Readers,

 

I’m back from #FanX and it was for the most part really cool as an event. I worked about 2/3rd of it at my group’s Booth site #ErtGB . I did however get to do the following things which may be a small and hollow victory but I guess I will have to take it. But here are the following things I did get a chance to do while there.

  1. Spend time with my wife admiring the vendors and celebrities that were there.
  2. Get Michael Stackpole’s Autograph in my copy of Wolf and Rain. One of my Fave Shadowrun Novels and a photo as well with him too boot!
  3. My Wife and I love The Crow, we have a print by James O’Barr entitled “Absolution” which he signed back in 1994 on the eve of our Wedding, 20 years later 2 states away at #FanX who is there at #fanX  none other than the man himself and at his first Utah Convention! What surprised us was he remembered us, and was more than happy to sign the print again with a 20 year signature and I got another great photo with James O’Barr himself.
  4. I did also procure a copy of #MagneticByNature for steam by one the local game studios at the University of Utah #Tripleslashstudios those guys just rock and we’re hoping to have them on the podcast again soon or at least before #Saltlakecitycomicon 😉 . 

 

What I didn’t get to do while I was at #FanX because of certain obligations it seemed and also missed events.

 

  1. Seeing and talking with Karen Gillian and attending her Panel
  2. I never did get the chance to find the cHair booth for Infinity Blade that Epic had there.
  3. I didn’t get Patrick Stewart’s Autograph at the end of Saturday night due to working with my group’s booth I MISSED PATRICK STEWART –CAPTIAN “FUCKING” PICARD- PROF. XAIVER FOR FUCK SAKES …….*Deep breath* because I was 3 mins late out the gate.
  4. Didn’t get my pic with the Bridge from the NCC1207D  (The Enterprise from TNG)
  5. Didn’t get a chance to meet up with #JulieBenz  The Mayor on #Syfys #Defiance
  6. Purchase the sonic screwdriver from the inter dimensional Time War.
  7. Didn’t get the Zombie/Ghostbuster Vinyl Window Decals for my vehicle’s back window either.

 

I did get a number of great shots of  some of the coolest cosplayers there.  Speaking of Cosplay, the cosplay contest was very cool and our own “Utah Loki of Asgard” Aaron was there as one of the judges (You locals will know of who I speak for the #AnimeSaltLake and #AnimeBanzai Peeps crowd). I loved the Suckerpunch Samurai crew that was there I even got to take two pics afterwards of them. They say they will be going to #AnimeBanzai as well this year, especially with it being the 10 Year Anniversary of #AnimeBanzai.

 

Here are some of the photos that were taken from the booth of the cosplayers I was able to capture with my phone. Including #Ert ‘s new mascot Slimer. 

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