What do I say? Hi again, is been some time. I’ve left tesla went back to CSS, worked for an account I hated, my father‘s health going to hell in a handbasket, stress started to build from there. Money was starting to be a real issue to me anyways. I felt/feel I don’t do enough in the world for my family, that I am still just a failure of a human being. Dad passed away on 6/3/21 at 18:54 Pm EST at the Tenn. VA Hospital in Johnson City TN. I won’t go into too many details. We went back to see if we could help get dad’s and well I’ll just say we ended up spending time with my wife’s side of the family. There is not one day since I got the news I haven’t just broke down and cried like the pathetic excuse of a person I am.
I stop myself on weekends because I want to grab the phone and call dad and talk to him about how the week went, and what was he up to? What project was he currently working on to improve the house him and mom bought 25+ Years ago? He was 82 but to me he was still in his 40’s strong, smart, figuring out new concepts and steps to better repair jets and such. Then I catch myself realizing no, I can’t do that anymore. Dad’s gone, I tried starting by calling Bruce, but he’s too busy to be bothered with me. Can’t blame he’s got his own family to tend to and he’s been promoted after being headhunted by some rival 3D Studio. He’s Loyal to Third floor though; all I can do is wish him luck moving forward.
I’m working for a financial firm now and making almost the same as I was when I was at tesla. Hopefully I will be brought on as a permanent staffer in the next 6 months. It’s not easy work though. Stock market, bonds and and accounts. I’m helping assist big names out there in the world. I know I can do this or I wouldn’t have survived this far through the training. I started getting some of my own affairs in order. Started selling off my anime VHS collection it was pretty big 4 Produce boxes stacked full down to about 1.5 now. Next will be the comics and manga I have collected during my younger years. I am thinking about investing the cash from that to a life insurance policy so my wife and kids are not burdened with my miserable remains. I will still trudge on, maybe this will pass maybe it will not all I know there is resentment, discontentment, rage, and utter sadness and loss in me currently and I do not dare let it out because I fear of what I would do if I let the floodgates open and pour out to the masses.
For now, I’ll just have to “Suck it up” and deal with it. Oh Here is a link to the latest melody in my playlist….. Thank you #MinetChan of Youtube,
Madarame's Blog of musings 