Been awhile….again



Yea been awhile huh? Well……how can I say this? I don’t like myself at the moment.  I mean really! I’m 52 I am stuck in a dead end job and the only reason I keep it because of medical benefits for my family and daughter ONLY reason. I’ve had several offers to go to Goldman Sach’s and work there for 29/30 $ an hour only catch no benefits for a year and that’s only a maybe with this company they could say sorry after a year of service we don’t need you and off to the trash pile with me.


I started on my game project over 14 years ago and 3 game engines later now, and I have nothing but assets and no alpha to show. I am ashamed of myself because I wanted to be someone that left some type of mark on the world that my kids could be proud of and I am in reality is some overage man child with dreams of grandeur that will never be because I don’t have the attention span needed to do what I need to commit to.  I can take machines plug them in diagnose the very likely issue and get them back up to stuff, but I am not Brainiac either.


I don’t feel worthy for this place again, and all I want to do is shove myself in a box and just bury myself and be forgotten, but if I do that I hurt people that love me, so I am damned if I do and I am damned if I don’t  and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Nice week, best way to end April in my opinion

Ok new job, started Monday same day I was hired, got my own cubicle, awesome intel7 workstation. It’s like Christmas; I am a higher pay scale than when I was with my last job. It’s for a Data backup and Recovery Software Corp. The stress level is almost nil, got a posh kitchen and break room; I can use wifi here on my laptop.

We’re expanding the other side of the floor as our own as well. It’s just uber cool, my superior is awesome! Quake and Starcraft weekend venture LAN parties? OOOOOO!!!!
If I am dreaming the person that wakes gets a size 13 E up side their cranial cavity.
Ok, just thought I’d post this up. I’m out for now.

The Thursday MY Thursday anyway…..

It’s funny the things that you eventually end up at a few yrs down the road. Today for instance, I was doing a search on a web comic I once followed pretty much dedicated due to the mirth and comical mayhem it caused and the fits of laughter I would suffer afterwards. I came across someone that was part of the cast as well. Seems she’s getting married and all type for happy are happening for her. All I can say is good for her and wish her well, I know we didn’t get along or were buddy/pal like, but we still from time to time and on rare occasions had decent exchanges of verbal communications. It is/was good to see her succeeding in life and partially being where she wanted to be. I think we all just grow away from things at some point in our lives. It’s just a sign of saying I’m done and need to move and expand from what I’ve seen.

I can say that I really don’t miss much from some of the older times from the early yrs of my “forum” days. Lots of asshattery and douche bag teabagging cyber bullying on …..(Pondering) I’ll say 78% of the forums that I went to and that only 4 % of them are still in existence still. Maybe I’m wanting to rant again maybe I’m just thinking what type of messed up people I’ve dealt with on line. Then again there “are” (yes there are) people out there who aren’t douche bags and are actually quite fun to pal around with and discuss things with. Then there are the near-do-wells, you know the ones that you think are your friends, but they talk shit behind your back and cut up on your expense and you don’t even know because it’s all behind closed doors or it’s on irc or such? Yea, I’ve dealt with those too. The worst are the ones who prefer their games or other things rather than wanting to or at least PRETEND to show an interest in what is troubling you and what has you upset. Those are just the worst type of person you’d want to contend with. The only way you can actually deal with them is to make a clean break and just not bother with them and hope that someday they will realize what they did and correct themselves for future encounters with other people.

On the light side of things, I did get the family room doorways fixed and realigned, I even caulked the nail entries and the older indentured in the woodwork from past slamming and fits of rage that have happened over the yrs. Alright, enough ranting and feeling sorry for myself, I guess. Back to work and back to reading genshiken again from front to back and the official guide as well. I’m currently waiting for RE:play Vol.3 to hit the library and my hold list. Otomen Vol. 5 is out as well and a Co worker and fellow manga reader is grabbing a copy at the Barnes and noble’s this Friday and as soon as she’s done with it I get to read it next SQUEEEEEEEE! Wife got our oldest a Finishing Sketch Pad for Easter, she doesn’t want it! ZoMg, “fine” I’m taking it and I’ll see what type of sketch I can do on one the sheets myself! I love art pads like that, I think they’re great. AH! It’s almost time to go home must get pack ready to saunter to the car and drive home. Not sure what I will do after dropping oldest off at school but I know I’ll do something with the kids on the day before they go back on track. C ya later

Weekend work

I got all but 3 GS Cookie boxes sold today. Money exchanged, and deposited into the envelope. We made a pretty good run this yr with regards to sales. Just glad it’s over personally. I am still waiting on the sale of that audio card. It’s all that’s keeping me from getting my 1.5 gigs of ram installed on my machine at home. Once that’s done things should scream.

Right now, I’m working and getting ready to go home for the night. I’m going to attempt to start clearing out and removing crud from the family room and start the de-clutter process. When next week when I and my wife are on vacation? We can redesign and paint the family room and redo the laundry room.

Game wise, I’ve been lacking and I apologize to my team. Real life took a hold for a bit and I have been attempting to get things back on track and to get the team back on track. I would like to say for that, I take responsibility for it and will do what I can get things back on track. I have ot get back to work and then end my shift !

Otomen 4 is here YAY ! Oh and 1 yr at work

FINALLY! Otomen #4 hit my library hold request box! I love this series, I wish they would make this into an OVA at least. I know it would be a hit right from the get go. I’ve read this 5x already and still laugh at some of the hilarity that ensue in this volume. For those following this series #4 is a hit! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I have so far.

Oh, and I just realized I’ve been at my job for a full yr today. Happy Anniversary to me.

Ok, so no work party for me.

Someone has to save the office right? Besides, small steak dinner, a drawing or two and then a band and drinking. Did I want to do all that? Naaaaaah, because thinking about this thru the week? My wife is allergic to wheat for one and two she’s diabetic on top of it, so the food variety would be somewhat limited on selection (yay another “salad”).

Anyways, HR came up and handed us all passes to Thanksgiving point and the lights before Christmas display which runs till the 3rd of Jan 2010. Which will be cool and I can take them after my brother in law heads back to Texas. Squall and I are reconnecting it seems and on a positive note as well. I think his Christmas gift should make it on time to be underneath the tree. I’m hoping he likes it, I asked 2 of his family members if he would? Signs show positive that makes me happy.

Heh, funny thing the other day I was cruising thru my friends list and when I hit phant’s I found C.D. Rhom’s FB and Mcclaud’s as well. I sent Mcclaud a “hi found you msg” but I don’t thing I’ll send anything to C.D. the pain still really hurts and even stings a little bit. I should get back to work. All blog and no work makes Mada-kun a bit off balance, then again when have I ever been stable? Oo; lulz…….