A thought that can change everything, inspired by life, death, adhd & depression.

Yes, this hit a little more home than I thought it would.

A thought that can change everything, inspired by life, death, adhd & depression..

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Even after *Ponders* 3 years now? Still Mad at her…….

My Truth anyway......What don't look at me that way, you know it true.

My Truth anyway……What????? don’t look at me that way, you know it true.

Although I am still mad at her, I would like to point out “she” was not the negative one at all. Quite the contrary she let others slightly dictate and troll her online life experince as I observed it through my interactions with her.
I would hope she would realize this and make a definite change by letting go of said community. But that’s not happening anytime fast. Which is sad, because I think she’d take up her pen and sketchbook up again and get back to her art while being a mother and being a semi-successful career woman as well. I can’t talk to her because all it would now is go in one ear and out there and who knows, she might even laugh at what I’m typing up this very minute. Oh that’s right those people consider it lurking instead of just looking at the board for a few seconds and then moving on, (Rolling eyes in a sarcastic manner.)

I don’t know, I guess I never will either? I know a flew off the handle a bit when I had enough of the crap she was receiving as well as the bad mouth trolling over me since I no longer was there. I wanted to blow off steam and get my frustrations out and talk with her about and I was ignored for whatever reason, I was ignored. I found out a little bit later she had stood up for me in the thread. I know I screwed the friendship up but regardless, it doesn’t change how I feel about the situation regarding her and me, and the way she was/is treated there. It’s like she likes the negative output, and semi trolling and the harassment.

I told her and others a few years ago it would be best to leave the place as I did and to not look back unless someone mentions otherwise. Personally I feel better for leaving the place, the trolling and the hate, yes I will say hate it was felt and expressed, so I left before anything else came of it. Now looking back and talking with a few others that left for similar reasons like mine I wasn’t the only one that felt that’s how the others treated them. OH and don’t you dare say grow some thicker skin? Fuck that noise if I grew anymore thicker skin I’d be considered a internet Mastodon. No, why can’t they change, why can’t they be a bit more polite or think skinned as it were to quote one of their own. That would be a bit harder for them because that would take too much of an effort.

You know what burns my asscheeks? is she said and I quote “My hope is that my daughter is better at life than I am. Maybe she will learn something positive from her mother’s negative example.” What type of shit is that? She’s had some issues in the past, but who doesn’t? I wish I could say to her she’s doing a great job with what she has to work with, and even more so now that she has someone else she has to look out for now as well. I’ll wish her luck with the whole single mom thing and I hope the dick that got got her that way helps pay the child support that bundle of life deserves, and takes some small amount of responsibility for his actions, the ass.

Mood Swings……I hate Aug

End of the week Friday! Finally here and well welcomed, we get to pick up our twins from camp tomorrow morning from Girl Scout Camp. The place has been eerie and quite for the past week and I’m not sleeping well because of it, so I will be glad that they are back. Not because of the noise but more to the fact that they’re back home safe and sound.
Things are tight this month as well, for example, I’m not sending flowers to her work since our 16th wedding anniversary is this Sunday because well they’re going to die anyway afterwards. We will however buy 1 item for the house as a gift from and to both of us instead. My Birthday, forget it! It’s not happening; the budget is too tight to celebrate so we’re bypassing it. I do hope to get the ez-builder module for my Omnibot project before Christmas maybe, but rather doubtful.

My mother in law’s which 7 days is after mine we can celebrate to a degree. We bought her gifts few months back when we found them, which was smart too. We’ll more or less cook out and BBQ at her place for her birthday and watch a few movies. The girls will be able to spend time with grandma and then home.
I did get into the Rusty Hearts closed Beta. All I can say to you is that it’s fun and quite enjoyable. I’m hoping to get into the “Blacklight” closed Beta next! That’s been built on the UDK Engine and from the media clip, it looks AWESOME! I’m hopeful in that I’ll get chosen for that Beta. Got to thank Ali-sama one my older online friends since I moved to Utah for the Humble Bumble #3 Games pack for my birthday those games are going to be fun.

Which brings up the issue of friends, I have to say I have more “online” friends than I do in real time, meaning that there are friends of mine I can call and chat with in the real time, but not face to face and hang real time if that makes sense? I honestly can say I have friends in California more than I do here in Utah. This is my daily routine, its home Dad, Husband Handyman Homework with the kids when needed, chauffer at other times. No HEY lets go have a LAN party, or BBQs or getting together for group movie night at one the theaters. No, its stay at home slowly killing myself in the front of the TV.

If you think I’m ranting by now yea, you pretty much hit it on the head, I’m now ranting at not having a social life. At least in California, I could call up Robert, or Mark or both and we could get the group together and RPG or go to the movies and hang and have fun. I bet even now we’d been able to do that but as families for the most part while we try to set up those still in the single scene. But no, I’m stuck in social hell and to be honest and brutal I hate it here, I want to be somewhere else current than “here”. Life sucks and I’ll bitch about it if I like.

Well this was a fine kettle of flounder…..

Great week, although I couldn’t get prey to work because the “Video card” The 1 gig Nvidia 8800 XT isn’t supported, I did get Rainbow Six Las Vegas and Mercenary Wars installed. I’m almost to level 15 on Legends of Zork as well. My wife and I just have to get a frame for her mother’s oil painting for the family room hang a couple of more shelves and I’ll take picks and upload the family room to the facebook album.

Today is also free national comic book day! YAY! I got a few issues I thought I wouldn’t be able to find at the local shop, but found gold! Woo! Also Wowio I have refound Wowio! Which means MORE Electronic reading? Got over 100 + in my library as it easy and that’s not including the tech manuals and quantum theories. Why?

Because I’m not jackanape like some people seem to assume I am. I do have a brain you know, how else would I have stumbled thru working for Microsoft and a local nationwide outfit like Ikano, or my current place of employment without some level of intelligence?

I also would like to point out some of these online games? There is that one, Mobsters 2 Vendetta? Yea, I’ve played that for a bit, I had to let go of that for a few days. Game was actually starting to piss me off at people. This one person drew that line and I had had a bad day and I actually flew off the handle and msg’ed their FB that I wanted to rip em in two for the crap they caused me.

Afterwards after I took a breather and such I was going to apologize then I got a bunch of their little friends to gang up on me. So I said screw it, let do whatever they want then. It’s just a game, but at the same you have to think, these people are 25 and 26 and ones like 36 and supposedly runs like 5 corps and is a pilot too. You’d think after awhile, the combined IQ would figure out that “I” don’t care but they don’t then again one them didn’t know what the word reciprocate meant.

He thought I was threatening him with that word. I mean seriously, doesn’t he know what Google is for? Anyways, I actually found the person I told I wanted to tear em in two thru their friend’s FB page to that same person’s MySpace and then saw the person was listed on that page as well? So I decided to write a small letter saying I was sorry for letting my anger get the better of me. But also at the same time that the person should also consider how they act towards others when asked to stop?

I’m just noticing that people are just ruder and more revealing about their nature then they actually knowing let on. That in its self can be a bit of an eye opener if you think about it. Too bad there isn’t really a bowel Disruptor I know I’d have some seriously wicked fun with that one be great to do payback with that one I would, and who knows maybe there might be a way to have it go global!

HAHAHA have the world laugh so hard that it shat itself silly in one global shatner! HAHAHAHA Wicked! Here is the sad part of all this too, we have the technology to repair our bodies and a molecular level YET today over 1500 will die from just walked into the wrong side of the city or was verbally abused trolled and rolled on the internet!

WE and I REPEAT WE BECAUSE ARE ALL GUILTY OF IT AT ONE LEVEL OR ANOTHER WE ARE STILL NOT EVEN A TYPE ONE CIVILAZATION! DO you gimps get this yet? All of you, the haters, the tree hugger the supposed good Samaritans, and the ones that run our governments! THIS IS STILL A “ZERO” SOCIETY AND CIVILAZATION and UNLESS We Start to at least try to change at some point all we’re doing is giving ourselves the reach around without a complimentary coupon for A Burger shack fat meal with extra dripping cheese!

BAH AND FEH! I am off work soon, so I’ll just end this entry on that note and we’ll just pick it up tomorrow or Monday pending on how I feel at the time?