Sometimes I just wished the world would go away, vanish and cease. There are just times were you are just so sick of the trolling, bullying, the bad treatment one gets if they say the wrong thing or something is taken out of context. You just get so tired of it you either, one grow your skin SO thick you no longer care about anything that’s said to you or two you just get so frustrated and stressed that you go ballistic. But the bad thing is with point one is you lose touch with those that are actually around but by that time you just don’t give a shit anymore and just rolls off your back. Then there is point two you become so introverted you don’t want to talk to anyone about and if you do start talking about it the pent up rage and anger and hate that you’ve been festering starts to rise and rear its ugly side and you lose what friends you had left.
They say games help out, sometimes that’s true other times it’s just a distraction to help you forget who/what was causing your pain and loss of self worth and esteem. It’s scars you mentally, it does and a lot of people are like Pfft so the fuck what? Get of the internet then and quit being such a twat about it and crying about on your blog. Well those are the type of people that you want to watch your front side rather than your back because they’re fake, right down to the “Hello” in the morning as you pass them in the hall at work, or you bump into one at the store and they tilt their head and say “Oi, good to see you” when in fact they’re saying “Fuuuuuck he/she saw me now I have to say hi or I’ll won’t hear the end of it for a week at work” For me it’s got to the point where I go to work do my job and I stay out people’s way and notice, same goes for the general public sometimes I just get my books find a place and keep to myself.
People say I have friends……..I do wonder sometimes, if once I hang up or I/we leave what they say behind my back. You can call paranoia all you want the fact remains, people talk about you, good bad or indifferent. Sometimes I just wished the world and all everything on it would just wash away, gone somewhere else where I wasn’t.
OH and an FYI
Twatwaffle gets banned
You are hereby banned from these forums due to outside trolling and that fact that you’re a belligerent twatwaffle. You can not and will not blame anyone but yourself for the asshattery and stunts you’ve pulled. There is no reprive either as you’ve been proven to be untrustworthy and overall dishonest. Have a great day.
Ok, so as some of you know I’ve been moonlighting as part of an anime/manga/gaming podcast group called The Cool Kids Club. Which has been fun, I’m enjoying my time with it because I’m actually discussing anime and manga and things I enjoy with people of the same interests as I do. I have to admit for the 1st time in a bit I’m actually enjoying discussing things online without so much as a “HAHA UR DUMB! U LIK ANEEMA AND MUNGA!” Duuurp!” that’s what I’ve received at a few places I hung out and just left because of the treatment. Maybe I’ve become a bit bitter because of it as well, because in Ep. 43 during the early part of the preshow “CG” (Real name withheld for obvious reasoning.) was there and he had missed Ep 42’s recording and preshow so he didn’t even know what was going on till someone finally clued him in, which was this….
Ok. About 3 weeks ago, CG I guess gets a call from someone he used to date and we’ll leave it at that. But this person called him to say he was running to Florida to possibly leave the country for what he had done to his sister, and a few unclassified animals in a sexual manner. “CG” then goes right around and talks to Josh about it just like it was nothing but everyday events….. “Seriously?” Josh then discussed this with a few people who were appalled at what CG had discussed with Josh, and more to the matter that he didn’t bother talking to the police or some law enforcement agency locally.
I mean if you’re going to discuss something like that with someone you don’t care too much about anyway (You’ll hear why if you listen to Ep. 43) expect some repercussions “expect it”. You think that person isn’t going to do the right thing and maybe contact someone of authority regardless if the police have been already informed? CG may have had other information to do with this EX of his. Something like that is not something you talk to your friends with 1st you talk about it with an officer or agent of a law enforcement agency.
When I heard this I about flipped my wig. My whole opinion changed about CG. When Ep 43. Came time to record, CG was there and I let him and the guys know I didn’t want him there, and from what I could read from the guys, neither did they. He even asked me why I removed him from Skype. I let him have it with all of what I thought, a bit overly raged/ranted at him but he just didn’t get it, “I’m mean, I’m an asshole” because I was honest about how I felt about what he had done and what he had kept to himself instead of doing the “right thing”.
We tried to accept he was there and that we’d just do the show and move on with things. Oh no! CG didn’t want that started cutting throwing insults at me and then at Dustin as well and the whole crew was sick of it that was the straw the busted the camel’s hump. We banned him from the show, he trolled josh on Aim and he was the one that said “No one really listens to the show anyways” which he later tried to cover up by saying he was joking about that. If you listen, sounds like there was some conviction in his voice when he voiced that particular opinion.
Now, I admit I let myself go on the anger side of it and should have been a little more tactful in regards to letting him have it with both barrels. But he had it coming to him and with some of things he said he deserved what he got, but I could have put in a less rage type manner and acted a bit more maturely than I did so I will apologize for that, but not for the fact that I told him the truth of matter. Here’s the link to the Facebook group with a link to the Ep. In question. You decide and you want to leave a comment, please feel free to do so, just keep at a PG level of decorum and maturity please? “The Cool Kids Club Ep. 43 Battle Royal High School”
Ok, so I had a falling out with Lestat last night, he’s decided to go his way and I with mine. Why did this happen let’s just say that my choices in life differ than his? He wants to do things his way; he’s almost never wrong, (Which is wrong in itself.) others are to blame for some of his own short comings he created for himself. He could have been married with kids by now had he not fucked himself out a great relationship he had with someone we both knew mutually on good terms, but he fucked his relationship with her by overanalyzing almost everything she did that didn’t include him.
She couldn’t have male friends because he thought she might be cheating on him. He was overprotective, to the point of overbearing. His behavior was/is worse than my own at times (That’s saying a lot). I try to show him what path he should attempt to take for recovery and I was spat at in the face of our friendship. It’s just like with Phant, but with him it was trust issues and leaking our private conversations about a certain person to that very person. Tell me am I supposed to trust THAT person as well? I don’t think so…..
And another thing that pisses me off, when you try to talk to someone and they blatantly ignore you, not that they even give you a reason. No, this person just flat out refuses to talk. That’s rude straight out. At least I will give a person a reason of why I am ignoring them, and the reasons thereof. Point of example one “Phantomgrift” name withheld because I can be respectful enough to refrain from using a person’s real name lest it be able to be googled and used against said person in any type of instance. He’s basically burnt his bridge awhile back, his trust with me was busted when he gave out a private conversation about someone he knew I didn’t like and considered as an Internet troll, but that didn’t stop him from sharing that information with said troll and even twisting it around about on top of it.
All that for a laugh and a giggle. Part of the reason I removed him from my facebook, was the fact he removed posts that he thought his wife, one who doesn’t like much anyways and wondered why her husband was giving me the time of day anyway? Would find offensive after finding out thru a 3rd part fellow Facebook member and friend circle that his orders were cut and they had gone to Japan 2 months after the big incident that happened, and with things the way they were (Which I will not go into details with LEST I accused of STALKING them again) over there, I had stated simply that maybe it was in the best interest that maybe he and his wife hold back due to the event that were already in place for fear of her health and wellbeing.
He removed them several times and I got tired of it and removed him from my FB where as he promptly ran to the community we both “used” to freq at one point and time and decided to profusely mention me by name and belittle and ridicule me with no way as to defend myself either since I had been banned for whatever reason the administration at the time had concocted to justify it. As per usual of said community they had a good time ripping on me and my good name, ergo another notch on the way I do ignore Phant and his replies and such upon anywhere I go and see him attempting to get me to talk to him in some manner. And well to Coin a phrase Mordecai used recently with a twist, “Sure Jason I trust you, “OH” but wait, now I’m taking back that trust I told you could have and just throwing it away”.
He’s kept coming to the blog for a bit and I’m just ignoring him for the sake I just don’t care for his antics anymore and I find it rather odd and slightly annoying that he says he “googled” me because he was bored at work. He googles for people while he’s on Deck duty? He’s so bored that he can’t just Facebook or MySpace the time? I could find TONS of other stuff while I was on CQ Duty – The basic equivalent of Deck duty, rather than googling peeps I know. But seems my bud lestat, and Phant have taken a liking to each other, even against my advice to Lestat was not to feed a troll. I replied to lestat and I’ll even try to keep his leash tightened, but at times he draws trolls nearby, that’s when the leash gets tightened. I even banned phant from coming there after he registered but after the move and the re-establishment of the database his account was unbanned as well as a few others I placed on lock down, but I allowed his to remain unbanned in case he wishes to try to troll there or pull some type of internet shenanigans.
OH But lets not forget our other personality either don’t want her left out now do we? Isn’t that right A/V ? I’d rather spend time with the kids to playing TF2 or STALKER or hell even trying out a few MMO’s together again. This brings me to another point of order that burns my ass cheeks. Fair weather friends and Gamers, what type of lame ass excuse is “I don’t want to re-download steam and use my account to re-download my games because there are people I don’t want to talk to anymore. Hell if that was the case I’d have lost a lot of friends by leaving a community and just blocking everyone and anyone from said place.
But this is someone who has games DLM games that just need to be re downloaded is all. But because they have people on their steam list they no longer want anything to do with, they don’t want to play anymore. That just plain pisses me off because one, “I” liked playing with said person, it was fun to run thru the map and flame the hell out of the crew whilst Ms. Mimiiru mows them down with the mini-gun. Has several games thru steam and only reason Ms. Mimiiru doesn’t re install and take the plunge is because there is ass-hattery upon Ms. Mimiiru’s friend list, ergo makes me wonder why doesn’t Ms. Mimiiru just edit said list and NOT have said ass-hattery upon yon friend list?
I think it’s just Ms. Mimiiru way of saying piss off dude; I’m tired of gaming AND with you in general w/o having to say it out right. Which to me is a cope out and one the worst things you could pull on me. I really lose faith in humans when they pull crap stunts like that. It shows how distrustful we are as a species. Ms. Mimiiru is one of those examples of being wishy washy, and un-decisive about what Ms. Mimiiru wants to do with their life.
Shown specific sites Ms. Mimiiru has registered with and doesn’t want to be bothered with wanting to update them even though it might generate traffic for said web comic they and their flat mate do as a team. Let’s not forget the YUKU page they created back in 2003 that is still untouched since the days of old. I guess I’m just not friend fun enough to game with or to engage in conversation with anymore is my guess. If that’s the case, fine I can accept that and go on. It’s was one of the more reasons not to bother keeping the LJ anymore as well as others too. Also I took that extra step and extend the hand out to join my forum as well.
Nay, I did and it was “politely” slapped away and Ms. Mimiiru Left to go be abused, more verbally as well as emotionally, because believe it or not every time you intentionally go out of your way to insult, ridicule and outright belittle someone you are in fact emotionally bitch slapping them regardless of how whether its verbal or if you had walked up and slugged them in the head with a 2×4. It’s just as hurtful and just as much an injury just on a different level. Nowadays she’s not on anywhere, her DA? Dead, LJ probably hasn’t had an entry in over a few months, CB don’t know, don’t care. Tried to talk to her to resolve this shitfest and was ignored, YOU WANT BE A HIKIOMORI!?! (ひきこもり 引き籠もり, FINE! It’s your life if you want to be some social outcast? BE ONE YOU’RE SO GOOD AT IT! *RAGE*. I’m through with my rant for now….
Sleep deprivation is annoying to say the least. I get home at midnight and can’t eat, but I can drink water. (Diet, don’t ask) I’m restless, I can’t sleep. I usually hit Facebook and play MB2 and deal with a major of assholes while doing the missions I need to advance.
When twinky overage tweens acting like it’s ok to just constantly beat on someone and not let up w/o repercussions. Guess what? FUCK NO! Both Alicia and azzhole would be prime examples of this. Azzhole asshat #1 came in started by chain attacking/stealing about 67$ and running to Las Vegas in game. I go after him I retaliated and posted he’s been hit out retaliation and left it at that went to work and came home and found out I had been abused while gone.
Died 4x and had quite a number of vulgarities posted on my profile. That lasted about 3 days off and on. Then on the 2nd day I get a 2nd beat down by of all things some tweeny wannbe female mobster named Alicia who just by coincidence was friends with Azzhole and the two were just not connected at all by any means No, that would make too much sense and such. I call shenanigans and bullshit, I dare say I was forced to and I’m ashamed to admit this go and request that the guy and his 2nd in command of azzhole and Alicia’s mob take a direct hand in this.
It got seriously out of hand. I understand it’s a game, but talk about power tripping and during this whole out of hand crapfest one his fellow mobsters gets involved and almost got hit after trying to threaten me with badge Assault and Battery. I decided to let brains over anger take the helm this time, I explained what happened. He was not totally convinced, and I noticed 2 particular names on all 3 profiles and decided to play the card I thought I had. Oh and I was correct, one was these mobsters Godfather and the 2nd one was his Captain of the front line of order.
I explained my position, explained I had to remove the crap I wouldn’t want on a country fair outhouse that was posted on my profile. Who said culprits were why I had blocked them and made sure I had made the reports to the right people. I was also considerate enough to let both Alicia and Azzhole both know what they may or may not be in for by causing such disrespect and dishonor amongst their mobster brethren.
This is mobster2 Vendetta people, not your Old High School Quad or P.E. locker room. Grow the fuck up and come back to play with some sense of how to play the game politely and show a little respect to other people and maybe you’ll get the same back. But you reap what you sow; too bad I had to have a few weeds in mine. Anyways, that’s my rant for today. Glad you stopped by, leave a comment or two if ya like? Just be respectful of the blog because your comments “are” screened
Madarame's Blog of musings 